What Happens When I Love?

Specifically, when I love MYSELF to my fullest potential?

Let me explain…

Recently I was reading a story from someone I love and admire about their self-love experiment to answer a series of questions for themselves like “what happens when I give all of myself to myself?”

Super sweet right!

Welllll instead of fealing light and sweet and joyful and inspired by their story, I noticed my ego comparing myself to them. My expression of self-love to their expression of self-love. My quality of self-love to my perceived quality of their self-love.

An unhealthy external competition pattern that I’ve faced and done healing on in the past. So here we go again.

Feelings of unworthiness, shame, and discouragement were showing up. Thoughts like “man, they are so evolved in self-love, am I worthy of being connected with them?" "Am I as developed in my love as I thought?" "Why don't I have a story like that?"

Totally f’d! I know.

But, gratefully I tend to be highly emotionally intelligent and have many tools to pair with a strong intuition that help me care for and rewire these emotional thought patterns.

So from my emotional awareness, and my previous relationship to competition and comparison, I was able to slow down, breathe, accept my thoughts and feelings, choose to express gratitude and appreciation for this person and their story of self-love, then ask myself “what do I want right now around this topic of self-love.”

What arose from my heart was “write what MY self-love looks like”.

I recognized that I have practiced so much self-love that I am actually proud of.

Acknowledging I know a lot about what my self-love looks like and I want to write it out and be able to look at my self-love on paper right now.

Appreciating this person close to me sharing their self-love story which is helping inspire me to go deeper into my own self-love story.

My energy instantly lightened and I probably had a slight smirk on my face… joy.

Next I enthusiastically popped up, grabbed my journal and proceeded to flow journal on this question of self love…

What happens when I love myself to my fullest potential?

I laugh at my jokes - which is easy because I’m hilarious!

I smile at myself in the mirror - like sweet "hi how are you", smile as well as sexy Joey Tribiani from Friends “how youuu doin” smile.

I touch and massage my body in admiration. - self hugs and massage are a normal thing for me now.

I prepare delicious and nutritious meals for myself because I’m a freaking dope kitchen wizard that deserves my own kitchen magic.

I dance spontaneously in the kitchen, in the store when I’m shopping, and in the streets - well sidewalks mostly because it’s safer and I want to help keep mom as emotionally stable as possible. But sometimes in the middle of the street after I've looked both ways twice.

I belt out songs from my heart - mostly out of tune - but sometimes I impress myself!

I give myself compliments and appreciations like “dammmnnn duuude, good job!”

I walk slower, look at the flowers, birds, and people. People are my favorite - so fascinating we are.

I day dream and wonder off on my own adventures living fantasies in my head that bend time.

I sit and meditate in silence - hanging out with my higher self and intergalactic squad of guides. Yeah, they are pretty rad.

I do yoga asanas and get in touch with my physical body and energy - feeling the prana shift and move through my body is magic to me.

I exercise to feel like a stud in my body.

I check myself out in the mirror. Did I say this already??? Well kind of, but this is different enough.

I receive verbal compliments from others and say thank you... period. (With a smile and often hand on my heart to deeply feel it.)

I receive gifts from others with appreciation.

I ask for help when I’m looping in my head and heart.

I call friends to talk to and be heard.

I go in walks and hikes with myself.

I go explore that tree, creek, perch, because it catches my eye - especially if I notice my ego trying to negotiate or bargain the opportunity away like "I should be doing something else."

I take the scenic route.

I drive in silence with the window down and my hand out the window doing little arm wavy motions.

I journal my hopes and dreams and fears and griefs.

I give myself hugs. I’m sure I said this already, but it’s worth saying again.

I rest - maybe even take a nap to surprise myself occasionally.

I turn my phone on do not disturb to be present - Heck I put my phone on airplane mode so nothing getting through!

I make my bed first thing in the morning - which I’ve learned to do while I’m still in bed. I know, I’m a wizard.

I sweep and vacuum my place every day because I like it clean.

I buy quality food and supplements to nourish my body as best as I know how.

I say YES to things that light me up.

I say no to things that don’t serve me.

I get horizontal and lay on the ground when my body feels like the earth is a magnet - FYI I’m down to start a movement that normalizes laying on the ground in random places.

I invest my time, energy, and money in my joy and development.

I prioritize my time with me.

I appreciate my solitude.

I allow myself to move at my own pace - especially if folks around me are moving at a speed that does not feel good.

I forgive myself for things I regret because I accept I am human and doing my best.

I accept where I am at and how I am feeling.

I feel my feelings.

I express my feelings.

I follow my feelings.

I appreciate the quirky, dorky, weird parts of me that are different.

I share my truth compassionately.

I allow my truth to be different than other’s truth.

I take myself out to eat, watch a movie, or go to an event by myself - because I want to.

I lean into the fear of heart pumping out of my chest and throat when asked to lead something and trust myself to grow in the process.

I talk with my ancestors and ask for guidance.

I commit to living in courage, love, joy, and trust.

I seek understanding with compassionate curiosity.

I practice fluid stability - or like my dad would say “rigid flexibility”.

I plan things in my journal and write them in my planner, plus put them in my Google calendar.

I write things I’ve already done in my planner just so I can feel dope about crossing it off - I know I’m not the only one here.

I initiate conversations with strangers because I’m inspired by them in some way or simply am drawn to connect.

I make eye contact with people and smile - allowing myself to be seen.

I make eye contact with people when I am speaking and listening to them to feel our connection.

I affirm to myself that I am grateful to be alive, in this body, at this time, in this place, with these people, from this lineage, for this purpose, with this Dharma.

I love myself although I’m human.

I like myself because I’m human.

I accept myself as I am.

I choose myself as I am.

I love myself enough to wow myself.

I love me completely.

…

Whew…

Hell yeah if you are still with me because that was a lot. And I’m proud of all the expressions of self-love I could think of in this moment.

I'm human and I'm not always doing all of these things, but I'm mostly doing some of these things at any given time.

….

So what happened for me next was I set my journal down with a big smile on my face.

I felt so proud of my self-love.

I even identified a few examples of self-love I haven’t been practicing as much lately and decided I want to intentionally prioritize these more in my life right now.

Committing to more nutritious and delicious meals for myself, more eye contact to see and be seen, more fitness to feel studly.

I'm human and my self-love is a practice.

I'm proud of the progress I've made so far

I'm happy with what my self-love looks like right now.

And I look forward to experiencing my self-love grow, expand, and deepen even more.

Now back to you…

I hope you love yourself to your fullest potential.

I'd love to know, what happens when you love all of you to your fullest potential?

Love 🤟🏻

Kyle 🙂